I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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