oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
