I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
