he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
