do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
