So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
