I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
