hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
