i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
