I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
