I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Welp...herpes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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