I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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