And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
