I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
