Yo dont text me then not text me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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