She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
