Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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