dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
