Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
