Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
