someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
