nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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