He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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