You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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