I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
