I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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