would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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