i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
