Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
