margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
