go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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