I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
