so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
