He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
