So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
