# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
