he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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