No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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