Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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