proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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