I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
