I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
