party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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