I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
