Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
