hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
zippers are such a cool invention
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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