O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
