FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
