Need sex. Gaining weight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
