so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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