Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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